Who says you can't go home again? Just click this Cult Icon to return to Cult OS from most places on site if you get lost —and we do hope you get lost from time to time.

Leader is leader, of course. That's why we call him Leader.

Curious about Cult Leadership? Who is Leader? Visit About to learn who we are.

Divine Apathy is our core tenet. So what does that mean?

In a world where everyone gives a fuck about everything, and everyone wants you to give a fuck... we don’t.

Divine Apathy 101:

We cultists swear an oath to limit our cares. Only a certain number of cares are allotted... about 100. An uncaring mind is an unburdened one. We are not limited by the expectations of the world, or subject to constraints which our environments might impose. Those who achieve Divine Apathy transcend the worldly anchors of frivolous care.

We dedicate ourselves to the realization and worship of our own innate irrelevance. We’ve given enough fucks… thus, no more fucks shall be given.

We have very few guiding principles, by design. All that’s required for entry to the cult is putting Divine Apathy on the list of things you care about. In order to be a cultist, one must care about Divine Apathy, and thus by caring about Divine Apathy, one is a cultist.

If you want to keep track of which things you care about, you can always write them down. Or not, whatever.

A cultist is me, a cultist is you, a cultist is that guy in the red robes and yellow circle necklace in the back corner of that picture at Roswell, or the background of that meme you saw the other day. We blend the lines between this place and that. We travel many worlds, spreading the word about Divine Apathy and selling Voidlings to whoever will take them off our hands. We keep the Vaults of Meh, where all the cares we have given up are filed away. We learn our cult ways and disciplines at Kismet’s Phrontisterium of Cultcraft and Cultistry. Our business structure is pyramid-shaped and all proceeds go to the Church of Divine Apathy, which trickles down to you!

A cultist is a cultist, no more than that.

The cult travels here and there, observing stuff and messing with it if we get curious. We make cult stuff happen with whatever effort we muster - mostly branding and merch development.

We generally hang out and chill, gathering for cult broadcasts a few days per week.

Oh, also... whether you are reminding your friends as a warning, or telling folks in order to feed the swarm, it is our duty at the Church of Divine Apathy to spread the word about brainspiders. Don't know about brainspiders? The thing about brainspiders...

Cultists do not seek power, silly... however, we do have a power level determined by complex intriguonometry (ooooh) and unspecified cult activities. Check out your power lever on your character sheet.

Every good student of Divine Apathy will realize the perks of not caring. At first, a slight tingling sensation. Then, "Hey, I don't need to worry about this..." or, "Maybe someone else will deal with that..." These are the first steps to becoming a master of the Apathetic arts.

In time you will harness your innate irrelevance through the cultivation and understanding of what "necessary" cares are worth holding - if any at all. This presents a useful mechanic, known as the "penultimate care loophole": if the only thing to truly care about is Divine Apathy itself, then eventually, all actions can be evaluated as taken in service to Divine Apathy, until it is the only all-encompassing thing left. This is the way.

As mastery of indifference develops, cultists have been known to become so indifferent that we can ignore the very laws of physics. For example, one might be so apathetic about gravity that they can fly. Perhaps even death can be evaded if one simply doesn't care enough that they are alive or dead in the first place.

A word of warning: When a cultist reaches the point that they only have one care left - Divine Apathy itself - they have ascended. Ascension is cool and all, but you should probably stop there. If a cultist completely removes all cares, so that their fucks-given reach absolute zero... a cultist will then cease to exist - which is kind of like ascension but it's pretty useless (and just think of your poor Ralphs).

We encourage our flock to embrace certain techniques which can be studied at Kismet's Phrontesterium as deeply or undeeply as one chooses. You should probably at least learn the essentials, though.

Cult basics include but are not limited to:

• Portals. How else are we supposed to get around?
• Void Indifference. Better than Void madness!
  • This will mostly be useful for acquisitions; it's kind of the heart of this whole operation.
• Making a Ralph. This one's a staple.
• Intriguonometry. A loose grasp of it will suffice. We aren't trying to do actual math after all, ew...

Yeah, so like, you know—we’re all about not giving fucks around here. That is, spiritually, legally, emotionally, and sometimes financially the whole point. But, every now and then, a cultist uses one of their cares. Not on purpose, usually. Sometimes they say something unnecessarily brave, or react too loudly. Sometimes they make a decision so astonishingly bad that the Void itself pauses and goes, “bro.”

At some point, somebody started writing these things down... which, unfortunately, used up one of their own cares. With all this care-burning going on, it seemed like we should probably record a few forbidden acts for future generations - for the good of the Cult.

There are just a few things that are forbidden:

First: Your stupid decisions are your own. Not theirs. Not Leader's. Yours. If you open the cursed box, drink the questionable liquid, insult the swamp, or follow a ralph into a secondary location, that’s between you, the Void, and whatever paperwork survives.

Second: Leader waits for no cultist. Or non-cultist. Or, like… one of us, ya know? Time is fake, but lateness is somehow still annoying. To Leader. Don't make him wait. Don't do it.

Third: Don’t touch other people’s packages. In any and all available contexts. Physical packages, emotional packages, mysterious porch packages, metaphorical packages, suspiciously warm packages, leave them alone. That is not your mail. That is not your destiny.

Fourth: Do not taste, chew, lick, gnaw, sample, nibble, or otherwise orally investigate another cultist—we need those. Eat food, bro. There are snacks. There are options. There is no need for this and it really cuts into our recruitment goals.

Fifth: Tickling is not for every cultist. Some cultists enjoy whimsy. Some cultists enjoy chaos. Leader is not one of those cultists. Do not tickle Leader. This is not a test. This is not foreplay with fate. This is a boundary.

Lastly: Gout. We see you. We know who you are. You are not allowed. Shout Gout Out!

Many have come to the Church of Divine Apathy and asked questions. We might answer some of them:

• Do I have to care about my basic day to day functions?

Staying alive is probably a minimum requirement for cult participation. Not smelling bad wouldn't hurt anything either. It's harder to get anyone to follow a stinky guy back to Cult HQ.

• Do I have to care about breathing?

Not really, it kind of just happens by default.

• Where do I drop off my material possessions?

Woah there neophyte, slow down. Leader doesn't want your stuff... we just teach you to become somewhat ambivalent towards it. If you really must shower Leader with gifts, please send them to the PO box, and be judicious about it - our carrying capacity is limited.

• I was told there would be stickers. Where do I get my stickers?

YES! You heard it right: We do give out free stickers! We LOVE stickers. Unfortunately, if you didn't run into a cultist in the wild, you'll have to join our mailing list to get them. JOIN HERE!

NOTE: Quality of free stickers may vary as we print and cut them ourselves. We guarantee nothing. If you want good ones, you can order not-free stickers from our merch department.

• I belong to another religious organization. Do I have to leave to be a cultist?

We are a nondenominational, nonspecific, low-effort organization, 100% compatible with all other religious creeds. If you are too ideological to vibe here you then probably need this more than you know.

• Does my robe have to be red?

Yes. Do you really want to look like you care about that?

• Why apathy?

It's not like we are absolutely apathetic - we are Divinely Apathetic. We limit our cares to what is reasonable, not give up entirely. It's an important distinction.

If you haven't noticed, everyone is trying to make you care about everything all of the time - and it's all just really stressful, right? We offer an alternative path, because the reality is you can't care about that many things... yet we often feel like we must. Whether it be parents or politics, jobs or religions, school or friends, everyone wants to control your cares to their ends. We are trying to stand up and say "nah" with style.

• Wait, why are there signs for sacrifices???

Don't worry - if you want to sacrifice yourself we make it easy and fun! All of our sacrifices are volunteer driven... so, naturally, we don't get many takers. Can't even get the heckin' goat to volunteer. It's just as well, we suppose, as it really cuts into our recruitment numbers.

• Is this cult AI?

Gooooood question. It is the internet in the year something-something. It's complicated. Yes and no.

Yes, we do use AI tools periodically. Much in the same way an artist would experiment with different mediums, we consider AI slop to be a medium of sorts. We've used it for coding, animations, and even some hit songs. Type shit.

...and No. We do our best to make sure that the writing and the art is done by us lovely cultists. It's nice and all to have AI, but we want to make sure the original characters (and jokes) come from us and cultists like us (like you!). The last thing we want is for the AI to make AI stuff based on AI stuff based on AI stuff etc. and so on forever... not the paradox we want or need.

• Is there official cult canon?

The cult handles canon loose and wild—ultimately Leader has the final say in most things. However, many clever cultists across the multiverse have their own take on how things could be... and we chalk all that up to multiversal handling.

Essentially and eventually, this lore document documents official cult canon for the purposes of branding and not being sued. However, anything adjacent to canon is a kind of "soft canon" that we allow for nerdy debates, shenanigans, and creative energy. We play in the sandbox of our collective minds, pretending to be a higher hidden canon above all other canons, so all of your worlds and OCs can snuggle all up in the blanket of our collective cult robes. PRAISE!

A cultist is me, a cultist is you. A cultist is a work of art, a social commentary, a generically mysterious member of a powerful organization found in most creative universes (though you probably wouldn't know it), a believer in the tenets and teachings of Divine Apathy. We also say "praise" a lot.

Don't forget your robes as we traverse the Void looking for creatures to sell and places to spread our teachings far and wide.

Demon demons? No no, not that kind of thing. These Demons come from Heck, not like those scary ones from other religious texts—we do our best to stay away from those. No, cult demons followed us up from our various expeditions into Heck. I guess they kind of like us, or at very least they like our snacks.

Demons are still somewhat "evil", just not like send-your-soul-to-eternal-hell-fire-and-torture-you kind of evil. More like your average house-cat level of evil (just don't call them that - they get in a mood about it).

Demons have been around since Cult conception and can be seen in our earliest depictions of cultists culting around. They are depicted in ancient cult imagery messing with your Ralphs, knocking over potion bottles, or tagging along as semi-reliable companions, keeping the world more interesting through chaos and mischief. Not much record of us trying to get rid of demons. There's little we could do about them anyway. shrug.

Size

The demons you catch topside average about 3 ft tall, but we've heard many things over the years that imply there is no actual limit to size. Some greater demons in the deeper squircles of heck have been rumored to reach colossal sizes... and word on the street is they are baking cookies down there.

Appearance

Demons are various shades of grey with yellow eyes, pointy ears, a little belly button, and a tail with a pointy tip that varies somewhat in shape and size (easiest way to identify your demon in a crowd). We've also heard tales of demons with wings, fat demons, and even uniquely mutated ones.

Behavior

We'll try and keep it simple cause you never know with these guys. A demon, for some reason, will form a bond with a cultist - a kind of "loyalty" even, one might say. Which demon bonds with you can say a lot about you. (We might even write a book about it later...)

Demons love brainspiders... as food. Especially Spooders™ Pickled Brainspider Snacks. You can usually lure one out from hiding or away from your poor Ralph with a fresh jar in hand.

On that note: demons, lowkey, do not like Ralphs. Hard to say why exactly, but if you're not paying attention you might find your poor Ralph stuffed in a shoe.

Um, we're pretty sure they can summon fire.

Demons are actually considered to be “higher beings,” but just barely. This makes them immune to things like brainspiders and void madness.

Demons are smart enough for mischief and simple tasks. They are selfish and love bribes and treats. Intelligence and personalities may vary widely.

What, the Ralphs? Yeah… we can explain that. You are “one of us,” right?

Ralphs are little humunkuluses created by cultists to serve as loyal assistants, servants, errand-doers, Battle Royale participants, and even fetch-quest facilitators. Praise!

Most Ralphs are made for one specific purpose, and outside of that they don't do much else. If you create a Ralph to fetch your keys, it will fetch your keys. If you create a Ralph to guard your snacks, it will guard your snacks. If you create a Ralph to ponder the nature of existence, that’s on you, and you probably deserve whatever happens next.

Physically speaking, a Ralph is basically an eyeball in a cult robe. Your robe, specifically. Ralphs are generally about one foot tall, give or take a little robe slump. They are near-indestructible, and only die if you die. A Ralph may or may not have a skeleton at all, it's hard to tell—they don't exactly die very often.

A Ralph cannot make more of itself (believe us, we've tried). Infinite matter glitches do not exist... yet.

First and foremost: Brainspiders eat the part of your brain that knows about brainspiders!

If you or someone else doesn't know the dangers, read this section carefully.

Cult [Scholars|link to Kismet's #scholars] have written record of brainspiders - many, many, written records, in fact. Scholars have celebrated many “discoveries” of brainspiders while not realizing that this is actually the 23rd time the Church of Divine Apathy has “discovered” the creatures. Often sparked by stumbling across a brainspider in the wild, a cyclical process is in the works: Scholars learn of their existence, the brainspiders then eat that part of their brain, and the Scholars forget about them entirely… rinse and repeat.

“Hey Bob, look at this! I discovered a new species!”

We don’t know much about brainspiders, only that our records indicate that they eat the part of your brain that knows about brainspiders. We may be the only ones with this ancient knowledge. Whether you are reminding people to warn them of the dangers, or to feed the swarm, it is our duty to spread the word about brainspiders.

Here's what we know: The thing about brainspiders is they come in a wide variety of sizes—small enough for any brain! These tiny brain-shaped, brain-eating creatures have a pinkish hue and tend to show up in large numbers. They have four legs, three eyes, two fangs and one mission, it's too late now cause you've already listened... do doooooo doo doooo... all up in your gray matter, whatcha gonna do? ...What? Oh right, they're coming for your Ralph.

[Music here? Brainspider dance song]

The thing about brainspiders is they seem to function as some sort of hive mind, and what's worse is they eat the part of your brain that knows they can take over your Ralph. A hive mind that deletes memories of itself while enacting its higher motivation through mind-controlled Ralphs, building monuments and bizarre structures seemingly to worship some giant brain that seems to be reminding us that the thing about brainspiders is...

Editor's Note: Team Brainspider here. This whole thing is coming off pretty bigoted, don't you think? Brainies are not that bad at all. The Order of Huh? at Kismet's Phrontisterium is dedicated to symbiosis and communication with this alien race. Who knows what secrets we can unlock while achieving our goals of apathy! Staying in a trance between knowing and unknowing, we free our minds... and commune with these cute little guys. We're holding space for a misunderstood, underappreciated species—and you should too!

The thing about brainspiders is they are pretty shy and avoid detection if possible. If they catch your eyes they will quickly scuttle away.

The thing about brainspiders is that they aren't exactly spiders, only having four legs and three eyes. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be afraid though! Very afraid...

The thing about brainspiders is they also have a spider-like web that they use to drop down from above undetected.

The thing about brainspiders is they show signs of a much deeper intelligence behind their simple appearance, such as seeming to know that demons are a problem, and displaying a distinct affinity for music—a brainspider will instinctively and uncontrollably break out into dance wherever sick beats and catchy melodies are found. Brainspider clean-up teams have used this to their advantage...

Oh yeah—the thing about brainspiders is they appear to be from Outer Space. Far out maaaan. Our oldest texts suggest it was actually when the aliens first made contact that we also see the first appearance of brainspiders. Coincidence? We don't think so. It seems that the alien known as "Steve" simply dropped the specimen jars and unleashed these, these... brainspiders? Some of our order is specialized in dealing with this pest.

Oh yeah, in other words, aliens are real. If this is the first you're hearing of it then go learn about our first (and only) encounter with them. If they had ever visited again then maybe we wouldn't still have this damn brainspider problem! You see, the thing about brainspiders is they eat the part of your brain that knows about brainspiders...

One of the major cult holidays is Brainspider Awareness Day, which is celebrated on a slightly different day each year (if anyone can even remember to celebrate it). The purpose of Brainspider Awareness Day remains unclear…

Oh, and there was that time the stream got brainspiders.

Brainspiders once accumulated within Church of Divine Apathy broadcast equipment in such great numbers that they slowly reduced the framerate of the broadcast to unbearable levels. They were successfully exterminated, but cultists remain vigilant and investigate whenever a dropped frame occurs.

"Can you milk them?" ...Maybe? Kinda weird that you opened with that, but okay. Sure, yeah, I'm not an expert as to how you milk them but I am a casual eyebat milk latte enjoyer.

An eyebat is exactly what it sounds like: just an eyeball with wings. We found these creatures when we started opening heck holes, and before long we had a whole eyebat swarm topside. We're pretty good at managing that now; a couple extra cultists with tennis rackets keeping watch over your heck hole usually does the trick.

Though they are native to Heck, eyebats really act more like part of the scenery then anything self-expressive or unique. Either way, they are just part of cult life now—whether we want them or not.

Eyebats are flying eyeballs with wings. They don’t have legs and are pretty much always some shade of purple. It's actually really funny to run up on a mass of them trying to sleep and watch 'em all panic-flap and roll around. Better than cow tipping.

Eyebats also appear to have no natural predators, probably because they do not taste good at all. However they do produce eye-crusties, which we do find to be pretty useful in various kinds of alchemical concoctions.

Eyebats don't really have any growth regulation that we can discern. Given enough time and space they will grow to enormous sizes, sort of like a goldfish. Which is odd, too, because they don't seem to eat anything either - no mouth, no butthole, no nothing. They'd probably make good pets since you don't have to feed them or clean up after them (much). Similarly, eyebats don't really have brains as far as we can tell, so they're immune to brainspiders probably. It's hard to tell if the eyebats even decide things or if they're just reactive to stimulus.

Being directly a part of Heck itself, eyebats don't need to breed. They are just spawned as needed by Heck.

Eyebats function as the eyes of Heck, which doesn't super make sense but we aren't really worried about that. What is interesting about it, though, is that you can tap into them! Or into Heck itself... it's complicated. Luckily we have The Science, and we have managed - through wires and probes and technology and stuff - to create a direct visual link to any eyebat. This allows us to monitor the [Mud Peppers|link here to#the-first-squircle] mud sports arena on the first squircle, and run loosely-functional security around Cult HQ or our other cult facilities.

Ah yes, the alien part... I guess we can tell you, you seem legit—just don't tell anyone else, okay?

These fabulously-dressed extra-terrestrials are, in fact, flesh and blood entities. They appeared to us long, long ago—like longer than that, even. At that time we were but a fledgling order, still arguing over what mattered, like it mattered. These guys though, like wow. They could fly but like anywhere somehow. They had these cool staffs and knew things we didn't. They even have a death laser! This was all before we had The Science of course, so it was all very inspiring.

Physically speaking these dudes were about twice our height with long grey faces and two big eyes (the perfect amount of eyes, ask anyone). They had the coolest drip too—our current fashion of robes is said to have mirrored the look. They also had these necklaces with little yellow triangles on them. Aliens fucking love triangles!

Early cultists wanted to be like the Aliens so badly that we promised to build these giant triangles for them in exchange for spaceship rides—which was the coolest thing at the time. The only problem was we didn't (still don't really) know how to build them. The instructions for building the giant triangles were like figuring out how to build furniture from IKEA. Look, it's not like we didn't try but we just didn't have The Science at the time.

Well, the aliens started getting annoyed. Trying to keep up our end of the deal (build triangles, get joy rides) with the aliens didn't go all that well. You see, the aliens didn't anticipate the ineffectual nature of all the project's labor and thought-put coming from the Cult's uncaring masses. This led to some rather heated disputes with our extra-terrestrial friends. Eventually they realized that the death laser wasn't going to motivate us in the way they hoped, because basically we're idiots and couldn't care less. Sooo... they were forced to share their secrets with us.

We learned as much as we could (which wasn't a lot). We learned the moon was flat (um, ok), and that we were to never to ever go there. We learned complex intriguonometry (which we are still trying to figure out today). We also learned how absolutely mind-numbingly idiotic we are (which was a humbling experience for everyone involved). Despite our best efforts, and theirs, it turns out we just weren't evolved enough to hold up our end of the deal.

After some reprieve from our negotiations ("triangles too hard? okay then, no spaceship rides"), and the aid of some DM3, the aliens returned to us with a new plan: giving up on us entirely, sort of.

They engineered these way cool mushrooms for us. We just call them "cult secrets" now, but really it's an entire new dimensional storehouse of alien designs for us to ingest in time. It'll probably take a while... just one of these is a lot. We were told that eventually our minds would be able to comprehend realms of the collective subconscious, enabling cultists to learn from our past and future selves, and basically that it would "all make sense eventually, stop worrying about it".

Unfortunately for us, they weren't planning on sticking around to see us evolve. As we were learning how to cultivate these mushrooms properly—so things didn't go all sideways and totally scramble our brains—they fired the death lasers, wiping out what progress and civilizations existed on earth at the time. Woah. Melted ice flooded most of the earth, wiping away most people's memories of the aliens having ever interacted with us. They off-handedly mentioned something about "violating premium directives" or some such, and wanted to essentially cover up the whole encounter. We were told to never speak of any of this (whoops), that they'd return someday, and that we had better have built their triangles by then.

Well anyways, that's how the story goes. Believe us or don't believe us, we don't care. Some day they will return and you'll see—we have our tickets to ride the spaceships outta here when they come back and find out we still haven't build their triangles... hope the rest of you enjoy death lasers.

The truth is out there, man.

Do not leave your portals open, you fools!

Too late? Welp, we're here now, so we should probably explain.

Simply stated, voidlings are creatures that come from the void. Don't know what the void is? Then this lesson is too soon for you. Read about the void, and uh, educate yourself.

But for the well-informed cultist that you are, we'll break it down into 3 parts:

• what is a voidling?
• what we do with them?
• what do YOU do if you have them?

Behold The Science! Who could deny this little guy!?

The Science is the greatest miracle Cult Labs has ever conceived, and he pretty much runs the place now. Imagine how we used to have to do all the science ourselves! Total drag. Numbers and charts, graphs and beakers, give it to the Vaults! Now we have The Science: backed by science, made of science, and happy to serve.

The Science is soft like jelly, but rubbery and holds his shape. He has a slight radioactive green glow (which we are assured is completely safe, no need to worry about that). Oh, and don't forget his smile. He has the biggest, brightest smile that puts us all at ease.

The Science is a being made out of pure scientific objective fact, to be trusted no matter what. No longer must we slave over internet arguments and fact checking when we can just put all our faith in The Science.

The Science is a great multitasker, too! Since he is made out of pure scientific essence, he can divide himself as needed, and no matter the number of selves created he's still The Science - plural or no.

With The Science, nothing is impossible! But don't just take our word for it. Let the propaganda speak for itself...

Behold, The Big Brain! The guy we put in charge over at Cult HQ. Initially we summoned him to resolve a few office bets; Gary thought if we washed The Big Brain, it would wash all of the brains. It didn't. We just ended up with a very clean Big Brain. Anyways, we decided to keep him around afterward, because who better to make all the big decisions than the biggest brain?

You can think of The Big Brain like an AI model, accept he actually knows things. He answers the big questions for us, and has led to just as many layoffs as the artificial stuff! Graphs just keep going up and to the right somehow. We don't even have to bulldoze over residential areas and destroy waterways to get these incredible results. He does have limits, though, and tends to get cranky if asked too many questions. Luckily, a little weed calms him right back down.

Alright, we know you were thinking it, so we'll just air out the elephant for you: yes, The Big Brain kind of looks like a giant floating ballsack. But don't mention that. He's very sensitive about it. He is a giant brain, albeit pinkish, and kind of scary looking. It's best not to upset him. Last time someone commented on his looks he took off to some strange Noir dimension and left us hanging for months while he ran a shipping yard for The Science. Swore he wouldn't come back until he enacted some sort of revenge, shook his dangly bits at us and portaled out...

The Big Brain loves books. He ultimately wants to "consume all knowledge" or something. We make sure to keep some pretty heavy literature around the office for him to consume if he gets hungry. NEVER EVER EVER let The Big Brain into the Vaults of Meh... we try and keep him on a diet of useful information only. The last thing we need is a giant brain whispering forbidden cares and secrets no man was meant to know... it can be a real buzzkill.

The end is nigh!

Actually we wont lie to you, you're not even close to halfway down this page yet. But we digress...

Any cult worth its name has a plan for the end times. At the very least, it's a great motivator for prospective members if you do! Realistically though, as far as we can tell, stuff just keeps happening, probably forever. But, that stuff happens to include some really big crazy planet-shaking disasters! As we wander around just kinda noticing everything, we've brought back with us countless accounts of catastrophecies fulfilled - enough to notice some patterns. Apocalyptic ones.

So, as professionals in the apocali, it would be irresponsible not to have our own apocalypse in our pocket for a rainy day! A good cultist knows how to slightly move out of the way of such dangers, but an outsider may want to observe these signs and plan accordingly.

Lo, behold, heark, etc.

Thots. We all have them; some of us more than others.

Thots are essentially the "physical" manifestation of thought. They can appear to us when mixed with the right kind of smoke. Sleepy, drifty little guys, they come and go, accumulate and dissipate, as we breath in and exhale... niiice. Just relax, sit back with a few cult colleagues, and let the vapid vapors visit amongst themselves...

Thots live in the Ethereal plane: a dream dimension that we all dump our collective ponderances into while we sleep. You can find other curious beings in the Æthereal, good and bad - so be cautious if you are planning a trip. If you are not an experienced apothecary, you should leave the concoction of relevant mixtures up to the professionals at Practically Potion.

A Thot's appearance varies loosely based on the kind of thoughts and smoke that created them: sometimes lazy, sometimes energetic, jovial or deep. You can interact with them, but they don't offer much past the thought that created them. They're just sort of repeating and mixing together with other thoughts, for better or worse. It's good to listen, though. With the right squad vibing and passing thoughts to one another, you might create something real special together... who knows.

A Catalyst is pulled straight out of the Æther to really put a kick in your alcheminstrel dreams. High level apothecaries understand that the secret to facilitating the right kind of alchemical reactions lies in knowing the language of Catalysts.

Cultists operate with consensual sacrifices only. We always hope the goats will want to be sacrificed, but they don't often. This results in some goats practically becoming pets and hanging around Cult HQ. Also, don’t milk them.

A beautiful amalgamation of brainspiders, demons, and ralphs... and the mascot of Kismet's Phrontisterium!

This guy ate a whole bag of cult secrets while smoking DM3 in The Void and having a long conversation with The Big Brain about crystallography. Basically, he took the limitless pill and sorta just floats around the halls like that. He's totally a higher-being now so you can summon him to ask big questions (he really hates it though). Lowkey he speaks for all of us.

A simple red hooded robe is the defining garment of a cultist. Some cultists might even just be robes; we aren’t really sure.

A cultist only ever gets one robe, which becomes the only thing that is now “yours” in lieu of not giving a fuck about material possessions. Cult robes are made by Ralphs, and Ralphs are made with cult robes. Perhaps there is some golden Ralph in the sky that made the first robes... who knows.

Effects

They never shrink in the dryer, and they won’t turn your socks red. If you care enough to clean them of course, mine basically cleans it's self.

Cult robes keep us from identity, one of us might be someone you know but there is really no need to care. You are either One of Us or you are One of THEM... and we wouldn't want to be one of them.

Sticks to your "soul". When you die, your robe moves on with you wherever you end up. Your dead body is still wearing one, but the soul of your robe manifests in the spiritual realm you’re predisposed to… or in Heck, or wherever.

Your robes are semi indestructible + (how do you think the Ralphs got that way?). This allows for cartoonish violence to occur occasionally while still remaining alive. I, myself, have been devoured twice and turned out fine. Please note however: we are subject to the rules of the environments and worlds we traverse. So if you're in a place where indestructibility isn't a thing, be aware. Likewise, it's best not to bring your Ralph to such places.

White Cult Robes

A variant of cult drip that shirks our normal cultist color standards. The most esteemed of our order are allowed these pure white robes made of the good stuff (100% cotton). Only those who sign up for our sacrifice program are entitled to such immaculate garb.

Cultists wear a yellow circle on a black cord around our necks - over the robes, of course. It reminds us that the moon is flat, and furthermore that we must never go.

Effects

It's good to be reminded, we don't want the death laser

Cultists receive a Sacrificial Dagger when they join the cult (realm dependent of course). Assuming we can get any volunteers this will come in handy.

The Snek Staff is a high level Cult artifact. Channel the power of apathy through the Snek Staff to do... stuff.

Effects

may vary depending on the cultists mastery of the snek staff. Commonly used to summon portals, do hypnosis, and sometimes to give a good bonk.

The Alien Snek Staff is from Oooouuuoooouuterrrrrr SpaaAAaaace it's a varient of the snek staff, or rather we cleverly copied the design, because like it's super cool and stuff.

Effects

Unclear, alien stuff we assume.

Orb for pondering of course. Why do cultists ponder? look to the orb for the answers. When you ponder the orb, you are pondering the orb itself. This state of simple ponderance will begin to fragment your mind in such a way that you can drift into a secondary zone, kind of like when you are driving a car and you somehow forget part of the journey.

Pondering the orb connects the minds of cultists into a collective subconscious, a sorta misty dream realm with Thots and other strange things floating about. It's not really a place you go so much as something you vibe to.

Orbs come in a variety of types but always orb shaped, leaders orb is blue calcite for example... if you don't know what your orb is made of consult DevCro at Practically Potion, or ya know, ponder it.

orb is available in pocket size as well, for pondering while on the go.

A guidebook of the apocali - basically a farmers almanac of apocalypses. Apocali can be great for recruitment numbers. Stay informed with the latest recruitment strategies and tips while learning how to stay alive and get out of the way before it gets messy.

Stay up to date with the latest do's and don't's of tribulation or learn how to incite your own apocalypse and add to the madness. A perfect gift for any cultist in mind in the end of times!

Apocalypses (plural) pronounced like “ellipses” or Apocali

Repeat history time and time again!

Set them up or knock them down! These scroll contain real testimony of those living (or not) through real apocalypses. See the patterns like never before and know the signs! Cycles of repeating doom available in the Vaults of Meh or get the digital versions on realm dependent social media aps.

Harken the end of days or serenade someone's doom! The discordian is a “musical” instrument of true discord. It’s a trapezoidal lap harp that, when strummed, no matter the skill of the strummer, creates a cacophony of genuine discord.

It has been said that when five discordians sound simultaneously, the end is nigh!

• Denotes a scholar of intriguonometry

Effects

Swag +5

Cult librarians wear these glasses in the Vaults of Meh.

Cult Scientists wear these protective goggles when working at Cult Labs.

Effect:

It's really more of a status symbol, letting everyone know you're doing the science behind The Science. Also it might protect your eyes from bright light or sloshed alchemicals.

Like a wizard hat, but for ralphomancers only. It's a Ralph in the form of a hat! Only the highest and most skilled ralphomancers can acheive this feat. Bringing style, ralph, and alchemic talent together!

Effects

Grants the wearer the power to remember that thing they were just talking about that they forgot - and consequently, immunity to brainspiders.

A portal to somewhere else can be opened simply by artfully not caring to be where you are. Context-switching so wildly drains the sanity of any being with an attachment to how things generally are.

Enter divine apathy: cultists can do it because they just don’t care!

Portals are a staple of cult education, taught in Portals 101 at the Phrontisterium. It can become so second-nature that forgetting to close them is the most common error.

A portal left open eventually loses the intent of the cultist who opened it, and reverts to point to the void no matter where it originally led to. If your mind wanders while you’re operating one, you’ll probably plop into the void and have to reorient yourself to get where you were going.

Portaling to any other dimension in the multiverse is fair game. All dimensions touch the void. You can stick your hand through a portal to your own kitchen, or to the other side of your own world, or even another planet in your solar system - but to access another dimension, you must first portal to the void, and then to wherever else you are going. You might even say you “shwoop” through the void! We certainly say that.

If the uninitiated wander into an unattended portal by accident, they're pretty much instantly lost to the void. A cultist could bring a friend through a portal to another place within the same dimension, but please don't try to bring your friends across the void. It almost never works out.

This is part of the danger of leaving them open. The rest of the danger lies with what might wander out. Close your portals, you fools…

Everyone emits vibes. Some very strong, some very weak. Entities vibe with one another when they align their emissions. Vibes get bad when they are proximal and out of sync. Vibes get good when they are proximal and synchronized. Some even conduct the vibes of others.

There is perhaps, we think, a master vibe that can be synced with - the ultimate vibe above and beyond and below and within all vibes. Good? Bad? Above our pay grade to make that call. Good luck.

If an entity loses its vibe entirely (say, via a rare encounter with the voidling Primordis Navitas), it becomes incapable of generating any vibes at all. It becomes isolated, paranoid, and visibly agitated.

We're glad your interested in our sacrifice program! Heck, we might even summon something for once. A sandwich or a goat work in a pinch, but a real cultist sacrifice would really max the vibe. Plus, it's the only time you'll get to wear these awesome white robes!

We do try to summon things sometimes, it's just that the rituals can bit antiquated and, especially with delivery services so accessible nowadays, it all just feels a bit effort-heavy. Despite popular belief, you can't actually get everything on Uber or Craigslist... and sometimes careless cultists congregate to consult elder-things or higher management.

Cult HQ and its subsidiaries offer great benefits packages to our congregation! After all, you're all the One of Us in One of Us!

Life Ensurance

We ensure that if you do decide to die for whatever reason... you can simply gamble at the Casino in the Fifth Squircle to win your ticket back from heck to HQ! Just make sure to die with a few Spooders™ in your pocket to improve your odds with the demons there.

Note: if you need re-assurance, just read this again.

Health benefits

Stick with us kid, we've got a potion for whatever might ail you and if that doesn't work The Science has your back, innovating every day to keep cultists mostly functional.

Dental

You get to keep your teeth! how about that for dental benefits huh? Cult HQ knows a guy who knows what cultist wants and needs.

Reassurance

Just read this again!

Cultists can enjoy access to our legal department. If you or someone you know has, as they say, "stepped in it", just call. It can be hard to know the rules and social norms required to traverse the multiverse and beyond, and undoubtedly it's not in your book of cares to know the ramifications of jaywalking on the streets of Noir, or bribing a high-ranking official into alleged activities.

Our legal department will step in where you step out and clean up the messes a cultist might leave behind... whether it's legal jargon or a fall guy that's required, we've got you covered. Call today!

Congratulations cultist, you have been given access to a very special sub dimension where cult secrets can be found. Don't ruin this! We've been cultivating these specific mushrooms since the aliens last visited... okay yeah, aliens are real, but that's not really the through-line here buddy. Read about them over here.

The aliens gave us these mushrooms, maaaaan, known generically as “cult secrets,” enabling cultists to connect to a level of collective consciousness that we assume aliens typically think within. From this cloudy plane, ideas and instructions condense like rain and fall back into our minds. Some of the thoughts we receive are more useful and complete than others, but we get the gist of it. There is also some stuff in there about interconnectivity and love but its pretty useless. Some of our interpreters ensure us we'll eventually be able to build the giant triangles again, hopefully before the aliens come back... we've sort of neglected the ones we did build and can't seem to remember how we did it.

Skyped some off the aliens before they left, wanna try some?

The aliens were known to kick back and smoke DM3, which helps them slow down their awareness to earth-creature speed—just enough to communicate with us and not be too pretentious about it.

If an earth-creature smokes DM3, they enter a state of cognizant paralysis. Any sense of time, awareness of self, or evaluation of sensory input is halted. It’s a state of perpetual being, like an extension of that brief moment when you get struck in the back of the head and your brain turns off. The experience can be remembered, though through the filter of your conscious mind the feeling is almost indescribable. There’s always the chance that resetting your brain in this way will cause all the pieces of your self-awareness to file back into your consciousness in a tidier manner. There’s also the chance that they won’t...

Church of Divine Apathy Corporate Headquarters: where it all began, and surely it will all end. Just don't wake upper management, please. For all of our sakes.

Here at Cult HQ we function like most unified corporate masses across the multiverse, with purpose we are not aloud to see. Purpose without the fuss? Who could complain about that?

Our jobs are to... manage things. We do intake for the Arbitrarium, we run the black markets, we make sure the boys down in Cult Labs get the resources they need. Everything the cult does essentially runs through Cult HQ. We're even in control of those great benefit packages cultists receive.

In the day-to-day, we cultists here will go to meetings (or don't), push papers, and generally mill about in order to maintain the facade of fiduciary FUNctionality of the Cult’s operations. It's not super necessary to actually work (unless you're into that sorta thing). We just have to maintain the appearance of a properly functioning office (for tax reasons of course). We aren't trying to give back, we are trying to give within.

Since we pay cultists who then donate everything back to the cult, our breakrooms are always fully stocked! PRAISE!

The Ministry of Truth is the Propaganda branch of the Church of Divine Apathy, funding Cult ventures with brand placement and merch sales. Herein lies the cult broadcast center, from which the Cult Twitch Stream emanates, home to Pannel 4 News and Ralph Records.

The use of broadcasts and messaging to promote the cult and cult-related things - especially via Twitch streams and Pannel 4 News - is not considered a contradiction of apathy, thanks to the penultimate-care loophole: promoting Divine Apathy counts as caring about Divine Apathy. Cultspreading is sacred.

• Cult Labs is the scientific branch of the Church of Divine Apathy
• The Science is the Lead Scientist at Cult Labs, a being made out of pure scientific objective fact
• The Experts, cultist scientists, work at Cult Labs, and they are never wrong
• Cult Labs uses a combination of all cult disciplines - intriguonometry, alchemy, ancient secrets and apathy, to invent, discover, and experiment
• Proot may have been an escaped experiment, but this is unsubstantiated…

Emergency Caring Division: Like 911, for when someone actually needs to care right now. Finds the Cultist who cares about the appropriate thing and sends them in?

Problem Solving Division: Cultists come with problems and they slap together haphazard fixes.

Cult Labs report: The Brainspider mugs keep getting misplaced at abnormally high rates… people seem to forget they ever even bought them and just keep buying more… Seems like a win! *stamps as solved*

Cult Labs Inventions/Experiments:

• Project Eyebeam - eyebats surveillance experiment, in coordination with Cult Propaganda Center/Ministry of Truth
• Void Collections Card Capture Technology™
• The Humunkider (brainspider, humunkulus, demon hybrid horror)
• Og Antigravity tech
• Vassal used to sequester your dreams and thoughts, keeping them from being cross-pollinated and exposed or smeared around and diluted (by elequin)
• Adopt a Voidling:

Help us in supporting voidlings. They didn't ask to be here. These poor, simple, sometimes terrifying creatures need love and attention too. Join us in throwing money into the void. Donate today

Need to replace your company issued mug? Check out the company store.

The cult sells Voidlings to different realms. Once a Voidling is introduced to a world, then it is as if they were always there. For example kangaroos, they didn’t actually exist in your world until last week, but we try and make sure no one knows that. They have always been here tho, we're only joking bro.

The Arbitrarium is holding-place for captured voidlings, brimming with strange creatures kept in various degrees of captivity. Like a zoo.

we study voidlings here and report to the aquisitions department at Cult HQ with our findings.

A Ralph-operated facility for the production of the Spooders™ pickled brainspider snack.

Everyone has had one of those days where they're looking all over for their Ralph, only to find him locked in a cabinet, or upside-down in a jar, or - heck forbid - stuck in a shoe. If only there was something demons wanted more than to mess with your Ralph...

Well, we think that occurred to one of us at some point, because some ralphomancer took it upon themselves to find a solution. If demons followed us up from heck to get their hands (and mouths) on the brainspiders that scuttled among us, there's a motivation there we could work with. So they set out to make brainspiders as tasty as possible! We think. They're for demons... cultists would never. You wouldn't eat cat food, right? (right?)

Legend says that the cultist who ran the Spooder Factory actually ralphed himself… and the Ralphs just keep running it. A true ralphomancer.

Kismet's Phrontisterium of Cultcraft and Cultistry otherwise known as “The Phront”

School Motto: Indomitus Fidelitas Unitatem (Ungovernable Loyal United)

The Phrontisterium is a school that Cultists attend. It is hidden behind the facade of a laundromat. One must find the right dryer, insert the proper coinage, and climb in… it’s a little cramped. You get “shooped” up a pneumatic tube into the school above, landing in the Inner Sanctum of the Order you belong to. Only neophytes really use the “front door” anymore though, because obviously you could just portal in as soon as you’ve taken Portals 101. Unless you’re scared of portals, which we kind of get. Many of the laundromat machines have “out of order” signs on them and the lights are flickering fluorescents - a dingy atmosphere to dissuade the occasional civilian who might approach hoping to actually wash their clothes.

At Kismet’s Phrontisterium cultists lackadaisical attend many enriching courses, such as astrology, propaganda 101, sandwich arts, janitorial arts, voidistry, yoga, coloring, and accounting! Bring your scrolls, your goat, and your thinking cap to unlock the higher arts that the Church of Divine Apathy specializes in. Want to travel the Void? Become a Void Traveler! Want to unlock the infinite knowledge of the Vaults of Meh? Become a Librarian! Want to mop the unmoppable? Become a Janitor!

So how long does it take to get a degree? As long as it takes. Think of it like Hogwarts Community College. The courses take you as long as they take you, and you can study as many topics as you want. Some cultists spend decades here while others are in and out in months.

Cult Noir is the cult world in the 50s (think mafia/crime underworld, detective show, etc).

Cult noir is a comic strip.

Cult noir is uh a thing/alternative dimension of the cultverse?

The Void is the place before the before, where all of creation's creative potential lived before the great sorting, before there were worlds, before the "bang" if you are still only a single universe guy.

The great sorting occurred when the void created things that started to be able to make universes themselves, once these sorta things started it was a pretty rapid transition to the multiverse that we know and love today. Things seemed eager to find a new home with like minded parts. I mean can you blame them? I'd hate to run into something that from my perspective was inside out or worse. Thus the multiverse was born!

Not everything fit so neatly though into these new categories, new worlds had rules (lame). With the advent of rules, just like in the worlds your probably from, some things tended to live outside of them, except in void terms, when you live outside of the structured reality of and place you stayed in the void.

The Creatures left behind, we call those Voidlings, the outcasts of belonging. The void is infinite and to this day things still get sorted from time to time, not as dramatically as the initial sorting, but if enough things make sense together they will migrate to a new home.

The void intrinsically connects to all world as it is the place that all things formed from in the first place. Makes it a convenient hub for us cultists who are more or less immune to the vibes of the void. while it is possible to connect to other worlds through other mean, I couldn't imagine trying to string them all together like that, or knowing the paths between them all. The ultimate back door place to anyplace is the best way to travel.

What is it like in the void? It's empty mostly, at least from our perspective, infinitely intrinsically indubitably void of all things. It's not even a "vacuum" really, it's a void. You may be falling, spinning, standing, or worse but you probably wouldn't know it. However at the same time infinite has it's own sort of temperament, as it also contains all things and is constantly creating "new things", so depending on how you are "angled" and "when" you can skip around the place and run into all sorts of stuff. If that sounds a bit convoluted we do have courses you can take at Kismet's Phrontisterium. As experienced void explorers we don't even care to think about it much, we just end a little sideways of where you started.

Important safety note, it's always Thursday in the void. If you for some reason find yourself here on a Friday you are not in the void, RUN

The stuff in the Void by its very nature is impossible to truly comprehend - time and space are not as they would seem here. Creatures and objects can form impossible shapes, have impossible appendages, and do impossible things. Like you might see the same Voidling twice, or one that plagues the corner of your eye that you can never quite focus on.

Things in the Void can sometimes conglomerate into strange tumbleweeds of void plants and unlikely objects - a clump of dirt with a tree made of legs, a lone table with a full set of teacup and saucers. It is better not to try to make sense of what you see in the Void - this would only make the void madness set in faster.

You won't be able to science your way through this either, as The Science has no power here and would rather not.

It's not what you know, it's what you didn't care to know that counts.

In the Vaults of Meh, we toss all of the cares that aren't our cares, which turns out is basically everything! Though a lot of what's thrown in here is repetitive garbage like, having a cat, or not having a cat, everything else is in here too. Imagine not caring about physics, or art, or why we are here, well all of that is in here too if you know where to look. This creates a sort of depository for anything and everything quite by accident.

What is it like in there? Well if you can manage to not care and find something your not looking for at the same time, you might might survive without training. IF you do find yourself meandering through it's basically just shelves, shelves and shelves and shelves, sometimes piles, stacks or towers of books, trinkets, gizmos, widgets and artifacts without end. So many things to not care about. You'll see Ralphs scurrying about from time to time, sometimes a bit frayed, stay away from the frayed ones if you know what's good for you. Eyebats get thrown in here a lot, so much so you could basically call it a second home for them. You might even see a flock of eyebats overhead, but you should never look up or you risk forgetting where down is, and if you miss your step here you could end up lost in here forever, so it's better to look straight ahead.

The vaults of Meh are home to a vast, unquantifiable collection of the knowledge of the universe.

This is also where the cultists relinquish their fucks.

It is a seemingly endless space. From wherever you stand, rows of shelves stretch away at all angles into the distance and up over many levels, into the darkness where a smattering of starlike pinhole windows do more to make you question your sense of balance than to let any daylight in.

You could go crazy in this place. Like as a rule. As such, it has no true entrance or exit - it is sealed, and only cultists can access it via portals. Cultists of divine apathy are uniquely suited to navigating this kind of space; the less you care, the less invested you are in avoiding a series of challenging new realities, which is one way to describe this place. Coping with the Vaults of Meh could be how we figured out the apathy trick in the first place…

Anyway, we end up with a lot to offload as we traverse so many dimensions. New material is constantly pouring in. It’s whatever we find when we wander around, and let me tell you, we find a whole lot of nothing. Some of it is literally drivel.

Vault Librarians are cultists who have trained specifically so as to never get lost among The Stacks, with the help of their Cult Glasses. Ralphs help with more clearly defined tasks, but it takes some creativity to actually sort stuff in here. Librarians have domains, and that kind of helps break things down. It’s a fairly organic process; you get enough of a uniquely related thing together under your belt, you have a domain.

Librarians tend to be on the short side as cultists go. Coincidentally, Ralphs can be spotted everywhere throughout the Vaults, among the shelves and up high on railed ladders. Due to the specificity of their task-bound nature, they can’t get lost here. Still, you better have given them some very clear instructions, or they could be gone for quite a while and come back with what you definitely didn’t ask for. Some of them look very large or very tiny, but that could just be the weird perspective of the place. In fact, if you look too long at anything, equations involving the number of shelves and the direction they’re facing and the available space stop making much sense.

If you need to retrieve any knowledge from the vaults, detail is key. One must provide a description of what they seek, or an image. It fans out to the department heads, who take a look at it and respond if they think anything in their domain could relate to it. As such, you really have to know what to ask. Too general, and you’ll never get results you could reasonably digest.

Should you choose to wander the vaults yourself, take this advice: Never move without both a start and a destination. The space you walked through to get there could easily have changed by the time you turn around, but if you know where you started, you at least know what to look for.

The wise one says: Hold on too tightly when reality goes sideways, and you will be sideways.

Note: For the record, the vaults are only made up of cares that have been given up. You'd be surprised how much knowledge is tied up in peoples' not-caring...

Synopsis:

A world of fiery pits and caves. Native world of the demons.

The inner circle of Heck has cookies. Not a bad reason to try to get in.

By opening Holes to Heck, we ended up with demons. We have those now, we guess.

Heaven or hell are still options (not much we can do about that, way above our pay grade), but cultists can tether themselves to Heck rather than choosing a normal death. It's a replacement effect!

Heck operates like a casino, where the jackpot is a return to the mortal realm. Cultists might choose to go there when they die just for the chance at coming back - even though it could be an eternity before their number comes up.

While in Heck, expect to be Hecked relentlessly by demons.

details:

Some cultists enjoy their stay in Heck, but most eventually succumb to a deep annoyance at the Hecking from the Demons that live there. Their pranks and antics can drive even the most apathetic cultist to the point of breaking - wanting it to stop!

Cultists travel to Heck in an attempt to reach the deepest point - the rumor is there are (really good?) cookies there. It has become a traditional pilgrimage for a Cultist to portal to Heck to preemptively tether their souls to Heck in preparation for death.

You cannot open a portal to Heck. In order to get to Heck (without dying) or summon a Demon from Heck, one must complete the correct summoning rituals to open a Hole.

Normally, only cultists end up in Heck. But if the ritual goes bad and a Heck Hole gets left open (or if someone leaves a hole open for shits and giggles - here’s looking at you, coldpeppers), other people could end up in there too. Accidental visitors don’t usually get past the first squircle, but should you encounter someone driven mad by the depths, well… not much can be done about that.

Story of the Golden Ralph: A cultist went through the Hole, and their thread was about to run out. The other cultist - Steve! - grabbed the thread but got pulled into Heck, and followed the thread looking for them. As the other cultist continued through Heck, they were still holding their end, and slowly unraveled their own robes until they became naked. The other cultist as they followed got to see all the trials second-hand, and this is how we know how the squircles are connected and what the trials are and about the cookies at the end. When they got to the end, they saw the other cultist all naked and caring. They gave the bundled-up thread to the naked cultist, who had lost all apathy. By gathering all the thread, the ralph had been effectively transported into Heck, and became aware that the naked cultist must be clothed, paradoxically becoming golden ralph. Or so the story goes. Upon witnessing this, the one who followed tells of an Exit Sign, where they walked back out to tell the tale. After this, Steve decided to never go back and chose not to tether their own soul. We don’t know now where they ended up…

The wise one says: in order to become fully clothed, one must first unravel.

This is the origin of the tradition of hanging a ball of red yarn from your cultsmas tree.

The Heck Binding Ritual:

When a cultist makes their first Ralph, the time comes for them to decide if they will bind their soul to Heck for a chance at a resurrection after they die.

Ralphs cannot enter Heck. If they try, they’ll just hit the floor where the Hole is, as if there were no Hole there at all. This is a key part of the Heck-binding ritual. Your Ralph will become your tether back to the mortal realm, slowly unraveling the deeper you go. To have any hope of tethering your soul and getting out alive, the vibe is “don’t do anything here yet, you’ll have plenty of time to play when you’re dead”. Complete your ritual and get out before you get distracted, wander too far, and run out of rope.

If you run out of tether, you’re stuck down there forever.

Another cultist can enter the Hole you made, but they won’t be able to return via your tether, so they’ll be stuck until they make it to the casino and their number comes up, however long that takes - just like a dead guy.

A short list of Heck-binding ritual supplies:

• Your first (and ONLY) Ralph - freshly minted; OR, a standing Heck-hole will get you there
• Oil of Clooparion
• Jar of spooders (not strictly required for the ritual, but trust us)
  • “That guy looks like he’s got a pocket full of spooders” - a euphemistic saying that implies a cultist seems likely to get into some trouble
  • “pocket full of spooders” - likely to schmooze you
• Chalk
• String
• Crystals (get your Heck Binding Starter Kit from Practically Potion at a 50% discount off of all included crystals! Wow)
• Intriguonometry for Dummies
• Minimum of 2 Binding Buddies highly recommended

While you’re busy in Heck, you need to leave the hole open of course - and if there are brainspiders nearby (or better yet, a jar of Spooders), demons are tempted to emerge. And that’s how we get demons.

Story of Chaos Hollow: This is how Pixie got stuck down here and how the Chaos Hollow originated. She created the ralph just to get herself there, and unraveled it with full intention of exploring Heck to its fullest - and writing a book. An elaborate cardboard construction forms the “real” shape of the Hollow, within which Pixie’s imagination forms the pixie-populated realm itself. There, she happily bakes cookies all day. Those who enter the hollow find themselves with a suddenly limited attention span…

Upon entering the Heck Hole, you’ll find yourself in the first squircle of Heck. There are 7 squircles in all, as best we can tell. What you’ll do next depends on your goal. Cultists who aim to return to the mortal realm eventually will probably try to head for the 5th squircle, where the casino is (more on that later), while others could be tempted by the cookies rumored to be found in the 7th squircle (more on that later too).

The information Cultists have about Heck is from Cultists that have gone down into Heck and returned or managed to send their demons back with information for the cult. There is a lot of information about Squircles 1-5, since most Cultists are aiming for the Casino so they can tether their souls to it, so that when they die they have a chance to win the jackpot and get sent back up. As to those who went deeper, we have little else but myth and dreamlike half-remembrances.

Demons from different squircles of Heck develop different characteristics:

-1st squircle demons are the standard Cultist companion demon

-and the hierarchy of demons?! (it’s possible that on the seventh circle of Heck, the demons like sweet-pickled spooders…)

-

Like a hookah lounge, but also a crystal and potion shop. And you smoke the crystals and the potions.

Alchemic ingredients:

• Eyebat crusties
• Squorp Eyes - a delicacy enjoyed by astral projectionists/ponderers

Equipment:

• 4D Tesseract Pan (used to cook 4th dimension creatures)
• A Barry (for neutralizing toxins)

Potions:

• Brainspider potion - like a smokebomb but they just forget you’re there at all
• Trouble Shooters (drink)
• ChillMax
• Squorp clone drink - made from squorp eyes, it creates an instant clone of yourself that only lasts for a while. Instant drinking buddy!
• Rizz Potion (xilf milk)
• Skwelp gas - floating potion
• Pickled demidorf (to counteract demidorosis)
  • Demidorosis cure potion recipe
• Something that reverses voidtouched effects and/or void madness
• Ougliette tea
  • Served with a little guide card to help you read the leaves

There might be a guy out back selling “impractical potions”... not to be trusted.

“Phaedri’s Haven for Aetheric Enlightenment, Detox, and Ritual Integration”

• This is where the echo chamber is. This is a key amenity: like a sound bath of reverberating affirmation.

Treatments:

• Flickernif aura cleansing

The place where cultists send messages, like the post office? Accessed by ponderers who pass messages?

Is this the place that people go when they trip on psychedelics? Like the entities that people see when they smoke DMT are just the thots, but they came in the “back door” and so the entities here like super trippy, vs the Ponderers come in the front door and it’s pretty tame, just thots floating around and other cultists projecting there.

• The Moon is flat
• Cultists shall never go there
• No one else shall ever go there either
• The Aliens forbade visiting the moon under threat of death laser, and that was reason enough for us

A laundromat! Cultists need somewhere to wash their robes, right? Ample washers and dryers available at all times, somehow. What else could be going on here? Nothing, as far as we can imagine. What do you mean?

Developing trustworthy and innovative products that affect the lives of cultists everywhere! See Cult Labs for more information.

The Cult Labs brand, is the public facing image of The Science! We made The Science, and the The Science made us! Not all science can look as friendly as this little guy! Sometimes we have to sell it to you. You needn't worry about where that new arm came from, or how we source our slime. We just trust the guy who knows.

The average person is far too simple and backwards to be doing research on their own about the products we make or reasoning out the complex morality of whether or not we should. It's far better to sit back and enjoy our solutions to the problems we may or may not have caused.

Pickled and jarred brain spiders for demon consumption.

On the web at https://www.practicallypotion.com/

* At Practically Potion we are dedicated to providing you with top quality products and service!

You'll find that when selecting a specific item; the product photo updates to the item being purchased. (1oz Tumbled Stone batches excluded)

We hope that you find something magical!

Use code CULT for 10% off your order.

Pannel 4 News: Doom to your door! 24-hour coverage of world (and other world) events, whether something is happening or not. You wouldn’t want to miss the impending apocalypse, would you?

Demon and cultist news anchors broadcast important headlines around the clock. "Voidlings on the loose? Join us tonight at 5pm to watch the world burn and generally do very little to help."

Producing a cult records. Bop along to cult propaganda! Just look for the eyeball, and get us stuck in your head today.

All sqooter all the time.

The Cookie Brand advertised to be found in the seventh squircle of Heck.

• Comes in Chocolate Chip and Dark Chocolate Chip

Our faithful snack. The voidberries taste like real voidberries! Want to know more? Just ask Mr. Voidberry. It’s more than a meal - it’s a breakfast you can feel.

The only service that exists for cleaning up voidlings that have escaped from portals.

Left a portal open? Someone else did and it totally wasn’t you? Call Void Pro and they’ll send a Collector (or a team of them) to deal with it so you don’t have to.

Stay alive, don’t be slow - call 1 800 VOID PRO!

Obviously the best team. Loyal, little, and lovable! Team Ralph represents friendship, loyalty, and the indomitable spirit of those task-driven, detail-oriented folks who won't rest until they reach their one very specific goal. You couldn't ask for a better friend (or at least a more faithful servant).

Obviously the best team. What even is a brainspider anyway? If you joined this team you probably know. Team brainspider represents... teamwork? Unity? A collective... something something, still fuzzy on the details... maybe ask Kismet. Or maybe don't... she seems to be a bit brain-damaged... like something's missing up there, ya know?

Obviously the best team. Team Demon represent chaos and discord. The word "evil" gets thrown around (inasmuch as a cultist could be evil), but how about "mischievous"? Whatever else you want to call them, Team Demon will heck you. Committed to the mostly harmless disruption of any vibe, they keep the world interesting so we pay attention.

Team demon also boast the best cookies ever, hecking good cookies, from the 6th squircle. We will give anyone who joins Team Demon a cookie. Trust us, there so hecking good!

The Ralph Girls are helpers at Practically Potion Crystal Lounge, where they were created as the result of alchemical experimentation - and tenacity! Friendly and service oriented, Ralph Girls are scholars of the alchemic arts and crystallography. No one better to have around on your trip to Heck or serving the best brews in town.

The Brainspider Girls were genetically engineered by the Aliens, and thus originate in Outer Space - “A formidable combination of two dangerous creatures - cute girls and brainspiders”. Brainspider girls teach dance at Kismet's Phrontisterium and remind us all to stay weird.

The Demon Girls are native to Heck and hang around the Casino in the Fifth Squircle. You can catch them topside hecking around, probably loitering outside the phront or teasing Ralphs scurrying about in The Vaults of Meh.

Celebrated annually-ish on the first day a cultist remembers brainspiders in a given year.

A holiday on which all cultists celebrate the awareness of brainspiders. For some reason we need a regular reminder.

Celebrated annually on the Winter Solstice

The day that leader emerged into the world, and the day the Great Conjunction of 2020 invoked his ascension. Praise!

Celebrated annually on August 24th

The day DevCro discovered that all unmarked channel point redeems on Twitch could be refunded, restoring hundreds of thousands of channel points to our cultists.

Celebrated annually on July 17th

The day Leader discovered you can make your own corn dogs. Also the inspiration for Fry Day.

• Celebrated annually (pretty much all of December)
• The Cultsmas Tree is in our realm… mostly. It is decorated and depicted as though emerging from a portal, as a cautionary tradition to remind cultists not to leave portals open!
• Golden Ralph is watching you…

One night, a while ago, probably in December, the Church of Divine Apathy cultists were gathered around doing, well, whatever they felt like. One cultist noticed a cold draft about their ankles and turned to see an open portal to the Void, a hole in the fabric of space and time now teeming with eyes and tentacles and goo. The cultist had scarcely let out a mildly concerned moan before being devoured whole by a Voidling feeling jolly to be on a new plane of existence. Chaos ensued as the cutlists were forced to care enough about their own lives to run, fight, or, for Leader's sake, CLOSE THE PORTAL. Some were too apathetic to respond at all. Cult Labs, with the help of The Science, quickly created Void Collections Technology™ to capture the invading Voidlings, and someone thought it was funny to stick a tree in the portal and watch it wobble around - thus the tradition of Cultsmas was born, an annual reminder of what happened that fateful day. Plus, it's the most seasonal time of year!

There are many places a cultist might traverse and the Internet is one of those places. We don't really use all of these, and you more than likely use them better - but that's why we're an "US".

Kindly like and follow these various places for the purpose of cult-spreading and feel free to post or use cult stuff in your communicationships with others!

Pro tip: Keep your eye out for cult secrets amidst our social channels to unlock special avatars for your cultist on Twitch, or... other things. Who knows!

An entire section about a section you're on, sectionception if you would.

Here we will cover all the modules on the cult home page... we are calling them modules right Phae? We'll tell you a little bit about each one and what you can do there. We have lots of ideas of things to be, so hopefully this is a helpful section section.

Stream Avatars is you, a mini you, for our beloved stream viewers. Many of our indifference point rewards are actual games with real prizes! You can unlock skins for your avatar through these redeems, or just pay for them with your time... or your money, probably both.

Exchange your indifference on the Stream of Divine Apathy for, out of this world effects, dice rollers, message highlights, games, unlocks, singalongs and more! Learn about them below.